It’s weird, but lately I’ve noticed that more and more people seem to be having problems with the whole concept of age.
Take the other day, for example, when I was looking at the vitamins in a local pharmacy. Actually, I was searching in vain for OsCal calcium, which recently has been discontinued, but I’ve been taking it since I was 12 so I’m always hoping I might discover some ancient, dust-covered bottle of it hidden at the back of a shelf somewhere.
Anyway, I don’t know why, but I picked up a bottle of folic acid and was reading the label. I’d heard a lot of things about it – everything from it prevents colon cancer to it grows hair and helps women get pregnant (a vision of a very hairy, Sasquatch-looking pregnant woman just popped into my mind). Of course, all of these claims also have been hotly disputed.
There was a young woman standing next to me and she also reached for a bottle of folic acid.
“Are you trying to get pregnant, too?” she asked me. “My husband and I have been trying for over a year now, and I’m hoping this will help.”
I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. My “child-bearing” years ended, due to totally natural causes, back when the newspaper headlines featured Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky.
I also had another age-related chuckle not too long ago at the supermarket. The checkout clerk, a kid about 17, rang up my items and said, “Your total is $19.01.”
I jokingly said, “1901! The year I was born!”
“Really?” he said, his eyebrows arching. “That’s cool.”
The man in line behind me overheard us and started laughing.
“You look great for 120,” he said to me. “Heck, I wouldn’t have given you a day over 115!”
And then there’s my friend Bobby, who’s 83. He hosts a weekly golden-oldies radio show and also writes a music column for several senior publications. Recently, I happened to mention to him during one of our phone conversations that he seems stuck in the late 1940s and 1950s and should expand his repertoire to at least the 1960s and ‘70s so he can attract a bigger audience.
“But the ‘40s and ‘50s are where the true golden oldies are,” he said. “All of the other stuff is too new. Senior citizens won’t even know any of those songs or be able to relate to them.”
I said, “You DO realize that the 1970s were 50 years ago, and the 1960s were 60 years ago, don’t you? How much more “old-y” do you want to get? Even Ringo of the Beatles is 81! I’m surprised you’re not playing dance tunes from the Charleston era while you’re at it!”
There was silence on the phone for several seconds, then I heard, “Holy s*#t! You’re right! It’s just that I’m still personally relating to all of the songs my friends and I grew up listening to.”
“And how many of those friends are still around now to listen to your radio show or read your columns?” I asked him.
“Um…two…no, maybe one?”
“I rest my case."
“You make a good point,” he said. “Maybe I should seriously start thinking about modernizing things a bit, then.”
I had to chuckle at his use of the word “modernizing” when referring to music from 50-60 years ago.
“Yep, Bobby, I hate to say it, but time flies. Even Monica Lewinsky will be eligible for AARP membership in a year or two.”
“Who?”
“Never mind.”
# # #
No comments:
Post a Comment