The other night I was watching one of
those TV shows where police officers wearing
body cameras allow the viewers to observe them in real-time action during their
actual shifts.
I couldn’t stop myself
from cringing when one of the officers, following his unsuccessful pursuit of a
suspected burglar, said, “I should have went in the
other direction after I seen him heading down the back alley.”
And even worse, another
officer later said, “You have to be really careful with them types, you know
what I’m sayin’? I could have caught him, you know what I’m sayin’? But I
didn’t want to put any innocent bystanders in danger. You know what I’m
sayin’?”
By then, I was ready to
scream at the TV, “Yes! I KNOW what you’re saying! You just said it!”
For many years now, I have been jotting down humorous typos, misspellings, goofs, bad sentence-structure (syntax), newspaper headlines and more, that have made (and still make) me laugh. The TV program the other night reminded me that I haven’t shared any of these gems on here in quite a while, so I thought I’d do that now. I can’t resist commenting on some (okay, most) of them, so I’ll add my thoughts in parentheses.
KIDS WRITING ESSAYS
“Husbands legally can
have only one wife. This is called monotony” (Now that I think about it, maybe this kid
didn’t actually make a mistake).
“Noah’s wife was Joan of
Ark.”
“One of the most popular
scenes in Romeo and Juliet is the baloney scene.”
“My father was a proud
member of the American Lesion” (Yuck! What kind of lesions are American ones? Guess that rules
out German measles?).
“After we found the
stray dog, my dad called the Society for the Prevention of Animals.”
“If your kitten refuses
to drink cold milk, put it into the microwave for a few seconds” (That's no way to discipline the poor kitten!
The owner must be a member of that aforementioned Society for the Prevention of
Animals).
NEWSPAPER & TV NEWS HEADLINES AND STORIES
Drunken Man Threatens
Dog With a Gun (I wonder what
kind of gun the dog was packing?).
Pond Forms After Beavers
Damn the Stream (nothing worse than
large, cursing rodents).
Woman Jogger Attacked By
Main Street (The street must have
been in a really bad mood that day).
RECIPE: This sauce will
feed six people served over pasta (Six people served over pasta? For whom…cannibals?).
The batter made a
last-second decision to bundt (Are we talking about a baseball batter or cake batter?)
In an article about a
grandmother who walks three miles every Sunday to visit her six-year-old
grandchild: Grandmother always brings the six-year-old cake when
visiting (That has to be some mighty stale cake!).
In a report about a two-car
collision: The officer reported that the driver of the SUV was crying
and sobbing uncontrollably when he approached. He said she seemed very
depressed (wonder what gave him that idea?).
Prince Charles Formerly
Crowned King at his Coronation (Um…I’m still trying to figure out how this would be possible!).
The young woman, who was
at the beach with a group of friends, had to be rescued when she fell off the
peer (That’s what she
gets for climbing on her friends).
Newspaper advertisement
for a new restaurant: Every Tuesday, Seniors are Half Off (which
half?).
In a story about a new
diet: Even people with week willpower can succeed with this diet (yep,
most people’s willpower lasts only about a week).
And then there were two
big typos I saw in the Manchester Union Leader newspaper many years ago, back
when the society-page editor used to describe weddings in detail, including the
wedding party’s attire. I’ll never forget these!
One description had an
embarrassing typo no one caught, so it went to print exactly like this: “When
the couple left on their honeymoon to Montreal, the bride was wearing a white
knit shit.” I don’t know if the actual word was meant to be a suit, shift or shirt,
but I laughed about it for ages. The poor bride!
And this other
one: “The bridesmaids were attired in lilac chiffon gowns trimmed in
white Alencon lace, and they carried matching bouquets that featured a fresh
orchard.” Those must have been some real hernia-inducing bouquets!
Enough of my nonsense
for now! I’ll be back again next week!
# # #
