They say love often finds you when you least expect it and sweeps you off your feet. Well, now I officially can attest to that.
It was late one night in mid-April of this year when I was reading something on Quora. I think it was a sad tale about a dog that had been spray-painted blue, of which there also was a photo of the poor dog with its pupils painted a matching blue (where AI obviously had gone a bit too far). Or maybe it was the story about the man who, through some tragic medical anomaly while in his mother’s womb, had absorbed his twin brother’s buttocks and two legs into his abdomen, and was forced to carry those body parts sticking out of his gut for his entire life due to his lack of money for surgery…for which he currently was accepting donations.
Anyway, that was when the message from him – my future love, my soul mate, the man of my dreams – popped on, with only three words…“You are beautiful.”
Naturally I felt compelled to thank him, even though I did suspect he was in dire need of cataract surgery. He immediately asked if we could chat somewhere less public, like Google Chat or on Facebook, so we could get to know each other.
Well, it was nearly midnight and I had nothing better to do, other than take the laundry out of the dryer and fold it, so I shrugged and thought, “Why not?” and agreed.
Little did I know just how much that decision was about to change my life, or how unbelievably fortunate I was. Three hours of chatting later, I had to pinch myself to make certain I wasn’t dreaming. Had fate finally smiled upon me?
The answer was a resounding yes! My admirer turned out to be a U.S. Army two-star Major General named Joe Robles from Texas – a highly decorated Vietnam veteran and the former president and CEO of the banking and insurance company, USAA. Not only that, he told me that oil recently had been discovered on his massive acreage in Texas, and two major oil companies currently were paying him huge monthly annuities to access his supply.
“I just sit back and the money comes flowing in,” he said. “Then I buy gold bullion with most of it. It’s a dream come true.”
And if all of that weren’t enough to impress me, he and I also both were widowed, so we were able to share the pain of losing a spouse after many years of marriage.
We exchanged photos and I felt an instant attraction when
I gazed upon his image – distinguished, in uniform, his chest covered in medals
and ribbons – everything he’d said he was, and more. 
Major General Joe Robles
“I realize we have known each other for only a few short hours,” he said that night, which actually was morning by then, “but already my heart feels something it has not felt for a very long time. Do you believe in love at first sight?”
“I’m not sure,” I said. “Maybe if we could video chat for a few moments, then I’d be able to give you a better answer.”
“Forgive me, but I can’t right now, my sweets,” he said. “I already have spent far too much time in the pleasure of your company when I should have been working. Perhaps tomorrow. Until then…I send a kiss carried to you on a dove’s wings.”
Wow. Talk about romantic. What more could I possibly have wished for?
Of course, the moment our chat ended, I just had to Google every bit of information I could find about this wonderful man. Everything he’d said about himself was true…except for one minor detail he’d forgotten to mention.
U.S. Army Major General Joe Robles had passed away on July 4th in 2024 at the age of 78.
So that meant I’d just spent three hours chatting with an 80-year-old dead person.
That, I decided, definitely could turn out to be a problem in our blossoming relationship. I mean, I already was a widow, and now I could end up being one again without even getting remarried?
But never let it be said I’m the type who doesn’t give a person the benefit of the doubt. I figured I would play along with General Joe and see where all of this would lead. Would he eventually confess his true identity? How long would he continue his charade? Was he clueless enough to believe I never would attempt to Google anything about him?
So he and I chatted every night for the next three nights, and on the third night, I noticed a sudden lapse in his command of the English language and spelling.
“For you, my heart beets many thousands times per minute,” he wrote. “The meer mention of your name causes my mind to float on clouds.”
Poor guy sounded in desperate need of a defibrillator – and Spell Check. However, also on that night, despite the obvious decline in his prose, he proposed to me!
“My darling,” he wrote. “I know this is sudden, but I am not one who believes in waisting time, for life is too short. I have fallen in love with you and trust you with every fiber of my being. Will you do me the honors of becoming my wife and making me the happiest men in the world?”
I hesitated, not only because I’d never met or even had a phone conversation with the guy before, but also because of his use of the word “men.” Was it possible my beloved General Joe had a split personality?
“Your proposal would mean so much more if I actually could hear your voice saying the words to me,” I finally answered. “I don’t even know what your voice sounds like. Can you call me?”
“I would love to my darling,” he wrote back. “But I am having many problems with my phone’s signal at present. Please do not punish me for this by keeping me awaiting your response.”
So I said yes, I would love to become his wife (and widow simultaneously).
“You have made my dreams come true!” he responded. “Describe to me the ring you wish me to buy for you and it will be yours.”
“Marquis cut, five carats, platinum setting, size seven.”
“And so it shall be, sweetheart. In one week’s time I promise I shall arrive to place it on your finger myself. The happiest tears of my life will flow at that moment.”
How, I wondered, was he going to pull off that one? Was it going to be the “big reveal” – the day I finally would meet the real person hiding behind General Joe’s identity?
He asked for my address, so I gave it to him…well, sort of. It actually was my address from the 1960s – the house that eventually had been purchased by the City of Manchester so they could tear it down and build a parking lot adjacent to West High School.
But as promised, my betrothed began to organize plans to come visit me and personally put the ring on my finger. One short week later he informed me the ring had been purchased from Tiffany’s, the plane reservation was all set, and nothing was going to stop him from making me his future bride. He was on his way.
I still hadn’t heard his voice or even seen a video of him actually breathing…which I guess was understandable, considering he’d been deceased for two years.
The day before his impending visit, however, he sent me the following message: “My darling, the bank has just informed me that someone has hacked into my accounts, so they had to freeze them. This means I have no access to my money for the extras needed for me to travel to be with you. Could you please be a dear wife and send me $1,500 immediately in cryptocurrency so I don’t have to cancel our much anticipated engagement plans? I will reimburse you as soon as this situation is resolved, which should be shortly after my arrival. I cannot wait to hold you in my arms and taste your lips.”
I wondered why he already was referring to me as his wife…and also what it would be like to taste his lips. Pretty cold and stiff, I presumed.
“Oh, no! I’m so sorry,” I answered. “How terrible! And the timing couldn’t possibly be worse! But, I’m embarrassed to confess, all I have in my bank account at the moment is $35. I live on a fixed income and I don’t get my check until the first of each month. The economy makes things really difficult for me right now. But I know that once you’re here with me, my darling, my life will be so much easier, because as you’ve said, you will take care of me forever and grant me my every wish because money is no object. I’m sure you must have plenty of wealthy friends in your social circle in Texas who will be willing to help you out at the moment, considering your high status in the community. Until then, I’ll be counting the minutes until your arrival when our eyes finally will meet for the first time and our engagement will become official. I know it will be the happiest day of my life.”
He didn’t respond, and I never heard from him again. In fact, he even blocked me.
How tragic. How heart-breaking. I honestly doubted I ever would recover from being ghosted by such a fine, upstanding, rich…corpse.
I guess you could say I truly was ghosted by a ghost.
But fate does indeed work in mysterious ways, so I’m hopeful things are looking up again and my broken heart soon will be mended. You see, I received a warm and flattering message two days ago from Captain Christian McManus, who owns a private yacht in the Caribbean. He sent me his photo and he looks very handsome and debonair.
I can’t put my finger on it, though…but there just seems to be something vaguely familiar about him.
Hmmm.
