As I mentioned back in April, for years I have been jotting down and collecting humorous typos, misspellings, goofs and bad sentence-structure (syntax) seen in newspaper headlines and articles, on store signs, in advertisements and more, that have made (and still make) me laugh.
I was under the impression that the
advertisements, etc., of yesteryear contained the most slip-ups due
to human error and archaic typewriters and typesetters. But nowadays, even with all of the
modern technology and the joys of “autocorrect,” there is an even greater plethora of humorous goofs to choose from.
The following batch of gems deals mostly
with just one letter in a single word either accidentally being omitted, added,
or printed in the wrong order – seemingly small or even insignificant mistakes that ended up changing the entire meaning of a sentence or phrase.
Of course, I can’t resist commenting on
some (okay, all) of them, so I’ll add my personal thoughts and comments in
parentheses.
MISTAKES SEEN IN SUPERMARKET FLYERS
(On the garden center’s page):
FAST-GROWING IVY PANTS FOR MOTHER’S DAY – ONLY $5.99.
(Hope those “pants” aren’t
poison ivy – could cause a pretty nasty rash. But if they are fast-growing, they might
be good for Mom if she plans to wear them when eating a big meal on Mother’s
Day!).
(In the pharmacy section):
MEDICATED ACNE SOUP – $4.99 PER BAR.
(I prefer my acne soup non-medicated – leaves a less bitter aftertaste).
SPECIAL! LIGHTLY BEARDED CHICKEN CUTLETS.
(Would those be goatees or full beards? I really hate finding hair in my food, don’t
you?).
SAVE $1.50 ON BOB EVANS READY-MADE, REFRIGERATED
MASKED POTATOES.
(Well, potatoes have eyes,
so I suppose they can wear masks if they prefer to remain anonymous).
KELLOGG’S RAISIN BRAIN CEREAL 16.1-OUNCE SIZE - $3.49.
(I actually have been accused of having a
raisin-sized brain).
(And yet another cereal)…
GENERAL MILLS COCOA PUTTS, 2 FOR $6.
( A special brand for chocolate-craving
golfers?).
DELI DEPARTMENT – TODAY’S SPECIAL: NEW ENGLAND BOILED DINER.
(Hmm…They would need a
really gigantic pot to boil one of those).
FRESH CALF’S LOVER IN OUR MEAT DEPARTMENT – $7.99 LB.
(If the calf’s lover wants to get fresh, he definitely shouldn’t try it in a public place like a meat department. Oh, wait…it says “fresh calf,” so maybe she’s the frisky one?).
TIED PODS LAUNDRY DETERGENT – FRAGRANCE FREE
(That would explain why I
have so much trouble prying the darned lid off the container. What are those Tide
pods tied to anyway?).
IN TOY-DEPARTMENT FLYERS
“MY LITTLE PUNY” PLAYSETS!
(Poor scrawny little pony needs to join a
gym!).
BUZZ LIGHTYEAR AND WOODY ACTION-FIGURES FROM TOE STORY
(The only “toe” story I
know starts with “This little piggy went to market,” and I don’t remember any
of them having names like Buzz or Woody).
FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY! PARKER BROTHERS NEW MANOPOLY
GAME!
(“Man”-opoly? Sounds like a fun game mainly for the males, not the whole family. I’ll stick with the old
version).
"WINNIE THE POOT " PLUSH TOY FOR TODDLERS!
(I think poor Winnie could use a dose or two of Gas-X).
GREAT CRAFT GIFT IDEA - BEGINNERS' CRUEL EMBROIDERY KITS.
(That's scary. I wonder who designed those cruel crewel kits - the Marquis de Sade?).
WHITEBOARD SIGNS IN RESTAURANTS
WE APPRECIATE YOUR PATIENCE. DUE TO THE HOLIDAY, OUR
SERVERS ARE MUCH BUSTIER THAN USUAL.
(I’m laughing too hard to
comment).
WEDNESDAY SPECIAL:
FREE DESERT WITH ANY DINNER.
(Would that be the Sahara
or the Mojave? I have the feeling the desserts in this place, especially the cakes, might be a touch on the dry side).
UNATTENDED CHILDREN WILL BE GIVEN A FREE PUPPY AND A
CUP OF COFFEE.
(I have seen this one, or something
very similar, in several shops and stores over the years, and it’s still one of my favorites!).
That’s all for this time – my raisin-sized
brain needs some rejuvenating sleep, and so does my pruned-up skin! (I'm rapidly turning into a walking dried-fruit).
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