These are just a bunch of random things that have happened recently – not long enough for a separate page each, so I’ve grouped them together as part of my “smile file” collection.
Banks Still DO Give Out Free Stuff!
I stopped at a TD Bank to cash a check last week, but it was at a branch I rarely use, mainly because up until recently there was a TD Bank in my town. Thanks to the pandemic, however, it has gone to that big vault in the sky.
I happened to mention to the teller that I missed my local branch and she said, "Well, we are VERY pleased that you still chose to stay with TD Bank!" She then looked up my account and said, "I'll be back in a moment," and disappeared out back somewhere.
She returned and gave me my cash and my ID back, then handed me a packaged cookie and with a big smile said, "Thank you again for banking with us!"
Other customers were looking at me as if to say, "Where's MY cookie?"
But the way I see it, once the teller saw the balance in my account, she probably gave me the cookie from her own lunch bag because she figured I couldn't afford to buy any food for myself! 😄
I mean, look at the calories listed on the front of the bag for just one cookie! I probably could live a week on that cookie alone!
The Quiet Dog
This really struck me funny the other day…My dog Eden had to go for her annual physical/shots and believe me, she is always a real problem at the vet’s – kind of like wrestling an alligator that’s trying to do the death roll, with a lot of growling to go along with it. So I have to muzzle her.
Well, my vet still is doing curb service, so an assistant came out to get Eden while I stayed in the car. About 10 minutes later, the vet called, saying Eden looked great and had done really well. She said she hadn’t given anyone any problems at all (for a change) and even had been quiet!
Shocked, I said, “Really? She actually was quiet?”
The vet said, “Yes…well, except for the farting. There
was a lot of farting.”
I couldn’t help it, I cracked up!
Beware of Those Toadstools!
They were just saying on the news last night how mushrooms are popping up everywhere due to all of the recent rainstorms, and dogs are eating them and getting really sick.
I'll never forget the time years ago when my dog ate a large mushroom out in the yard and started vomiting, so I rushed her to the vet's. The girl at the desk asked why I was there and I said, "My dog just ate a toadstool!"
She smiled at me and giggled and said, "Oh, come on now! A big Rottweiler like that couldn't get sick from eating something as tiny as a toad's stool! That's not much poop at all!"
I am totally serious...
Bye-Bye Yellow Jackets!
A couple weeks ago I wrote about my front porch being held hostage by a gang of yellow jackets with anger management problems. Just when I was about to fork over a couple hundred dollars for an exterminator, a skunk, of all things came to my rescue and tore the nest to shreds! The aftermath looked like a confetti explosion all over my lawn.
I couldn’t figure out why a skunk would risk getting stung, so I looked it up online and discovered that skunks love wasp larva and will risk anything for a taste of the delicacy.
So, “Pepe Le Pew,” you have a standing invitation to return to my house for dinner any time you’d like!
Just please try to keep the body odor down to a tolerable level, okay?
|What's left of the nest!|
|Where the tasty larva was eaten!|
# # #Sally Breslin is an award-winning syndicated humor columnist who has written regularly for newspapers and magazines all of her adult life. She is the author of several novels in a variety of genres, from humor and romance to science-fiction. Contact her at: email@example.com