Whenever I have some rare, leisurely time, I enjoy browsing through the various websites that display what they believe are bad, even terrible, book covers. I also enjoy reading the humorous comments left by many of the other bad-cover enthusiasts.
So I occasionally like to share some of those covers and comments on here to give my readers a few chuckles, too. And I’ll continue to share them now and then, until I find one my own covers on one of the sites – which, as much as I hate to admit it, is a distinct possibility. I mean, my budget for my books is about $25.
So here are just a few of the many recent bad-cover candidates I’ve seen (a few of which appeared on more than one site) and some of the comments that were made about them. Feel free to suggest some captions of your own in the comments section (scroll down below the free e-books).
• Why is the woman kicking that poor improvisational jazz-dancer?
• I thought he was Billy Crystal.
• They look like two cheerleaders who were practicing their routine when he dropped her.
• Are they actually serious about those fashion choices for the cover?
• I don’t think that’s a great position for a woman in a dress to reveal to her attacker.
• His pose gives me “grizzly bear" impersonator vibes. I honestly can hear him growling.
• The guy looks as if he is trying to keep his dentures from falling out.
• What’s with the knees of the woman with the sunglasses? They look like two snakes!
• More like upside-down poop emojis.
• I think she’s wearing dark glasses because the other woman’s boob poked her eye out.
• I always play tennis in my turtle-neck sweater, don’t you?
• Is that the sandworm from Dune on his head?
• The woman on the left looks more like a race-car driver.
• And she's holding a ping-pong ball in her hand. No wonder she needs lessons!
• They probably think the guy is going to tell them some sexy secret, when he's just going to say he'd rather be playing golf.
• The red-haired woman actually is holding her grandmother’s cane.
• The mystery is where he got that tiger mini-dress.
• No, the mystery is why he hasn’t been shot yet because his camouflage is so crappy.
• I think it’s actually the Geico caveman before he became famous.
• When did the Abominable Snowman become so modest?
• She looks like she’s trying to curtsy.
• In a bad ‘80s prom dress.
• And he’s about to do a Russian Cossack dance.
• He’s also blatantly staring at her cleavage.
• HER: “Look at the gorgeous view from here, Nathaniel.”
HIM: “ I am. (Heh, heh, heh).”
• The top rail of the fence mysteriously disappears.
• So do his butt cheeks.
• Amish vampires in space? I wonder how they got there?
• Horse-drawn rocket.
• Is this the sequel to Quaker Werewolves on the Moon?
• Isn’t a clavicle a collarbone?
• Yeah, and this one apparently has a good temper.
• Must be referring to that stunt-rider on the back. I mean, ALL of his bones are in full view.
• I once had a girlfriend who tempered my clavicle. It was really painful.
• “Edwina! Where have you been all day?”
"Just horsing around, Father.”
• What the heck is he holding?
• A nostalgic piece of driftwood?
• Looks more like the umbilical cord of a baby whale.
• Those rips in his shirt are revealing some weird-looking body parts, like vertical abs and a bulging shoulder.
• Her eyes are saying, “Let's get it on,” while his torso is saying, "Get me to a hospital!"
• Oh, sure, put glasses on the guy and call him a nerd. Story of my life!
• Nothing screams “prince” like a plain white tee-shirt.
• Are those bat ears on his head or is he just having a bad-hair day?
• His expression clearly says, “You talkin’ to me, punk?”
• No wonder I feel like smacking the cover.
• He wouldn’t be so brave if he didn’t have that reptile around his neck.
• Oh, come on, even a toddler could tell that the snake is from the Halloween store! It has more rubber in it than Goodyear!
• I figured the snake was his shape-shifting mate.
And finally I saw this kids' book with a title that just didn't make any sense, no matter how many times I reread it:
Turns out it's a book about two brothers named Pig Will and Pig Won't. One's good and one's bad. It kind of reminds me of those characters, Gallant and Goofus, in the old Highlights for Children books!
That's all for now...but I'll definitely have more for you in the near future. Consider yourselves warned!
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Sally Breslin is an award-winning syndicated humor columnist who has written regularly for newspapers and magazines all of her adult life. She is the author of several novels in a variety of genres, from humor and romance to science-fiction. Contact her at: sillysally@att.net.
