On the morning TV show, Live With Kelly and Mark, there is a daily segment called “Stump Mark,” where a home viewer is selected to call in and tell Mark Consuelos two statements – one true and one false. Then he has to guess which one is the truth. If he fails to guess correctly, the caller wins a special T-shirt and mug.
Usually the statements go something like this: “I once sat right next to Tom Hanks on a flight to Los Angeles,” or “My apple pie has won six blue ribbons at the annual county fair.”
Then after asking a few basic questions, Mark makes his guess about which statement is true.
Although his rate of success varies, one month his average for correct guesses was close to 70 percent, which was impressive.
Whenever I watch “Stump Mark,” I usually find myself wondering which statements I would make if I were the caller. So just for the fun of it, I’m going to list 20 statements below and have you, my readers, guess which are true and which are false. The answers will be listed at the end of this, right after you scroll down past the photos of the free books. Give yourself five points for each answer you get correct. Of course, those of you who have been reading my blog regularly for years, just might have an advantage! Good luck!
TRUE OR FALSE?
1. I went to my senior semi-formal in high school with a guy who, several years later, was convicted of murder and sent to prison.
2. I once had a penpal named Kenny Kramer in New York, who was the real Kramer who inspired the Seinfeld TV show’s character.
3. For many years I worked as a correspondent for a small-town newspaper that didn’t even have press passes, so I made one for myself and not only was allowed into a meet-and-greet with Barbara Bush, I also was invited to ride on the Press Corps bus during her tour of New Hampshire.
4. I was caught trying to sneak into a taping of the Merv Griffin Show because I wanted to see the guest stars that day, The Bay City Rollers, and was politely and swiftly escorted back outside by security.
5. I had a job where I was paid to shoplift to test the efficiency of the security/loss prevention personnel in various stores. I never was caught.
6. I adopted a dog I saw listed on Craig’s List and later found out it had been in an illegal dog-fighting ring in Virginia and had been deemed too vicious for adoption and was scheduled to be euthanized.
7. In the 1970s, my husband and I were one of the first to ride the new Python roller coaster at Busch Gardens in Tampa Bay, Florida. It was the first looping coaster in the Southeastern USA. I ended up with a neck injury from the ride that landed me in traction.
8. When I was 22, I signed up for driving lessons from a local driving school. The instructor had me drive to liquor stores throughout the state every time we went out on the road. He later was arrested for DWI.
9. I was a judge at the first (and I believe the last!) Mr. Male America beauty pageant, to select the New Hampshire winner for the national pageant, which was held in December of 1986.
10. A state trooper once pulled me over on the Everett Turnpike in Manchester (my route to work every day) to ask me for a date.
11. For two years I played the violin in the Manchester Youth Symphonette Orchestra, and now I can’t remember even one note when I look at sheet music.
13. Back in the late 1960s I wrote humorous poetry under the pseudonym Shadoe Menley, for the Manchester Union Leader’s poets' page.
14. During a high-school championship basketball game, I wanted to snap a front-page worthy photo of a foul shot, so just as the player was about to shoot, I leapt out in front of him and flashed the camera in his face. He missed the basket and I was booed out of the gymnasium.
15. My first major surgery was when I was two years old and had Timothy grass growing in my tear duct. I was in the hospital for a week following the delicate eye surgery.
16. I had tea with Maria Shriver at a small gathering in Suncook, NH. One of the Secret Service men informed us (prior to Maria's arrival) not to stare at her legs because she was self-conscious of them. Of course, the moment she entered, most of us immediately looked at her legs!
17. I won a weight-loss contest sponsored by The Star magazine/tabloid, and never received my prize nor my photo layout because they contacted me only hours before they wanted to do the photo shoot, just as my husband and I were boarding a plane to leave on a two-week vacation.
18. I broke my big toe during a judo class at the YMCA, and was taken to the hospital while I still was wearing my judo outfit. The doctor came into my cubicle in the emergency room and jokingly said, “So, Kung-Fu, what can I do for you?”
And that’s all there is for now! I probably could write another 150 of these, but I think I’ve tortured you long enough. I’d love to know how you did!
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Sally Breslin is an award-winning syndicated humor columnist who has written regularly for newspapers and magazines all of her adult life. She is the author of several novels in a variety of genres, from humor and romance to science-fiction. Contact her at: sillysally@att.net.
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