After nearly coughing up a lung the other night when I used
a spray cleaner that smelled like a chemical plant, I decided it might be to my
benefit to try to find something more organic to use. To my surprise, my
Internet search brought me to the word "vinegar" more often than any
other product.
Apparently vinegar is an inexpensive all-purpose product,
that has a zillion more uses than just being mixed with oil and poured over
lettuce. It's used for everything from washing windows to making stainless steel
and chrome sparkle. And, according to various websites, if you spray it on
glass, like a mirror, and then wipe if off with newspaper, the ink in the
newspaper, combined with the vinegar, provides a shine so bright, you'll have
to wear sunglasses whenever you look at your own reflection.
The websites also said that vinegar mixed with baking soda,
when poured down a sink drain, will bubble up like a volcano and unclog
everything from grease to giant hairballs.
And apple-cider vinegar (not the white variety) left in a
dish on a cupboard shelf, will attract household bugs and then mercilessly drown them.
I was intrigued.
Vinegar, I decided, was an all-purpose miracle liquid. I even began to wonder if I bathed in it, if
it would preserve me like a giant dill pickle and prevent me from aging.
So the next time I went to the supermarket, I bought a jug
of vinegar large enough to drown in. It cost me barely pennies, however, when compared to
the cleaning products I'd previously been purchasing.
Being the sudden owner of what seemed like a keg of vinegar
inspired me to do a more thorough Internet search for its uses. One particular tip immediately caught my eye
and intrigued me The website said if
you are concerned about using harsh chemical hair-dyes and want an all-natural
alternative for brown and brunette shades, to mix one-half cup of vinegar with
one-quarter cup of soy sauce, then pour the mixture over freshly washed hair,
let it set for 20 minutes and wash it out. The result? Shiny, chestnut-tinted hair with no chemical
residue..
I rushed back to the store for a giant bottle of soy sauce.
The other night, I decided to try the concoction. I washed and towel-dried my hair, then
poured on the soy sauce and vinegar mixture. It smelled pretty bad. And it was drippy. It dripped down my neck, into my ears and into my eyes. I prayed
I wouldn't end up with chestnut-tinted eyeballs.
When I sat on the sofa to wait out the 20 minutes, my dogs
immediately came over to sniff me. Then
they stared hungrily at me as if I were a giant piece of beef teriyaki. Visions of them ravenously attacking my head and ripping out chunks of hair immediately filled my mind.
After I finally washed out the stuff, I didn’t notice any
chestnut color at all in my hair. In
fact, it looked as if it had sprouted a few more gray hairs. And my scalp felt as if someone had taken a
blowtorch to it. But the worst part was my head still smelled like soy sauce and vinegar. So I washed my hair again.
The next morning, I was standing in line at the post office,
when I overheard a woman behind me say to her friend, "I smell Chinese
take-out. The staff here must go get
their lunches really early."
Note to self: Stop reading "helpful hints" on the
Internet.
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