I was eating creamed
soup the other night and broke off a piece of one of my back molars.
I'm still trying to figure out how on earth I managed to accomplish that one.
I do suspect, however, it just might have something to do with the fact that the tooth was given its last rites about five years ago after it had been filled more times than the potholes in the back road up to my house. It's also had two root canals, a post and maybe even some Bondo and Gorilla Glue to hold it together all of these years.
"Sorry to say, but it has to be extracted," my dentist said one day, finally admitting defeat and slowly shaking his head.
"But my partial denture snaps onto it!" I protested. "It's the most important tooth in my mouth! You can't just pull it!"
"It's already far outlived its life expectancy," he said. "Once it's extracted, then we'll just make a new partial denture with that tooth added onto it." He shrugged, making it seem as if we were talking about a simple procedure that would cost me $25 instead of close to $2,000.
And on my measly fixed-income, even the $25 would be a stretch for my budget.
So I've pampered the tooth ever since…and it's been fine...until now. Because now there is a hole in it where it broke off. It still is able to support my partial denture, though not quite as solidly as before, but the crater in the tooth is driving me mad.
For one thing, my tongue is drawn like a magnet to that hole, which has sharp edges. So my tongue is getting stabbed about 10 times a day. If this keeps up, I figure the tip of it will end up being forked like a snake's before too long.
Purely out of desperation, I searched online for a do-it-yourself tooth-repair kit. To my surprise, I found several. Most offered temporary solutions, though, good only in an emergency until you're able to see your dentist, the ads advised. But why would I want to see my dentist when his only solution to my problem involves pliers and committing tooth-icide?
So I searched for tooth-repair kits that offered patching materials that would last for years, even if I snacked on peanut brittle. It took a while, but I finally found such a kit, and for only $20. I immediately ordered it, and then impatiently awaited the package’s arrival.
It arrived yesterday, to my delight and relief. No more tongue stabs, I thought. No more gopher hole in my tooth, filling up with everything I ate. And best of all, no more worrying about my partial denture losing its anchor.
I tore open the package and removed the kit. There were a number of jars, bottles, containers, spatulas and other assorted accessories in it. I unfolded the instructions:
"Apply etchant onto the enamel. Be careful to cover the bevels and keep acid off of the dentin. Leave the etchant in place for 20 seconds, then rinse for 20 seconds. Dry with oil and water-free air. Apply a thin coating of the self-cure bonding resin immediately onto each etched tooth surface. Mix equal amounts of the catalyst and base pastes using the mixing pad. Spatulate for 20 seconds to get a uniform mix, one to two strokes per second. Insert the prepared composite material into the hole or cavity using a non-metallic instrument. Use a slight excess to apply a transparent matrix strip. A rubber dam is also recommended as the method of isolation. The composite material will begin to harden in two minutes from the mixing time. At the end of six minutes, remove the feather flash with a sharp instrument. Contour with a fine diamond, stones or bur. A surface sealant can be used to seal micro cracks and surface imperfections. Protective eyewear should be worn while handling these products. If contact is made with any skin, immediately wash with copious amounts of soap and hot water."
Dry with oil and water-free air? Contour with a fine diamond? Um...huh?
I’d been hoping for something simple, similar to Play-Doh, that I’d just roll into a ball, then stuff it into my tooth and let it harden.
Needless to say, I didn't even dare touch anything in that dental kit, never mind risk putting it into my mouth or having it accidentally spill on some body part that would need "copious amounts of soap and water" to prevent it from melting and falling off. And I had no idea what most of the instructions were instructing me to do anyway, unless I took them to my dentist for his professional interpretation.
Which, of course, would be totally counterproductive for "Dr. Extracto."
So I guess I have no choice other than to learn to live with the my tooth the way it is…unless some long-lost, wealthy relative dies and leaves me a stack of money.
But in the long run, it probably would make more sense for me to use that money to study dentistry.
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