I wish I had a crystal ball so I could tell in advance how many trick-or-treaters, if any, will show up on my doorstep this Halloween. That way, I won’t buy too much candy and end up stuck with it, especially since the same amount and brand of candy I bought for $11.95 last year now costs $21.95.
I've also noticed that most Halloween candy expires the next August or September…just a few weeks short of being able to recycle it for another Halloween.
Tell me that’s not part of some greedy, sinister plot.
Back in 2010 when my first Halloween in my current house was approaching, I asked one of the neighborhood women how many trick-or-treaters she’d had the year before.
“Oh, about 40,”
she said. “Maybe a few more.”
That was only about half the number I’d been accustomed to at my previous address,
but it actually was more than I'd anticipated. Wanting to make a good first impression in my new
neighborhood, I stocked up on full-sized candy bars. Then on Halloween night, I
turned on all of the outside lights and waited for the trick-or-treaters to
arrive.
Three hours later, I still was waiting. I thought I saw two kids sharing a very realistic-looking deer costume walking up the driveway and I got excited…but it turned out to be an actual deer.
“I don’t understand it!” I said to my husband. “The lady on the next street said she had over 40 trick-or-treaters last Halloween! So where are they this year? Did they have a mass migration and all head south for the winter?”
He made no effort to conceal the “what planet are you from?” look he gave me.
“Have you happened to notice that we live in the middle of the woods and
have a 400-foot, unlit driveway?” he asked. “Or that our house isn’t visible
from the road even when we have all of the outside lights on? And have you
forgotten how many hunters have driven up here, thinking our driveway was a
road where they could park their pickups while they hunted?”
“But word must have spread by now that there’s a new house here with people
living in it!” I said.
My husband frowned. “I hate to say it, but the only living things you’re going
to see around here tonight are our dogs...and maybe a skunk...and hopefully,
not at the same time.”
As more houses sprang up in my area, however, things slowly improved over the years,
and last Halloween I actually had about 20 trick-or-treaters. But this year I’m
hoping for even more, so I’m trying to think of ways to attract them.
Maybe I could line my driveway with lit jack-o-lanterns and make it look like an airport runway?
Or would that be
the equivalent of hanging out a sign that says, “Come have some fun and smash these pumpkins or steal them! No one will see you do it!”
And speaking of signs, how about if I put one out on the road that says, “Hey,
kids! Get your full-sized candy bars here!” with an arrow pointing the way?
On second thought, that might sound too much like something the witch in Hansel and Gretel might do to lure innocent kids into her stew pot.
I guess the ideal
solution would be to take a lantern and a chair out to the edge of the road and
then sit there and hand out the candy.
With my luck, I’d probably get run over by a truck.
Or mugged by a bear with a Kit-Kat addiction.
#
# #
Sally Breslin is a native New Englander and an award-winning syndicated humor columnist who has written regularly for newspapers and magazines all of her adult life. She is the author of several novels in a variety of genres, from humor and romance to science-fiction. Contact her at: sillysally@att.net
FREE E-BOOKS!
CLICK TO DOWNLOAD FREE ON AMAZON
CLICK TO DOWNLOAD FREE ON SMASHWORDS
CLICK TO DOWNLOAD FREE ON AMAZON
CLICK TO DOWNLOAD FREE ON SMASHWORDS
No comments:
Post a Comment