I hate to admit it, but one of my guilty pleasures lately has been reading book reviews on Amazon because a lot of the comments make me laugh. For example, the ones I read the other night included such gems as, “As I read this book, I felt my brain cells leaping out of my ears and committing suicide!” and “Watching my elderly neighbor’s towels drying out on her clothesline was more exciting than this book.”
But a couple days ago I discovered something new…websites where people submit photos of books they feel might be well-written but have terrible or off-putting covers. So I’ve decided to share a few of these covers with you, along with some of the humorous comments each one received. Hopefully, at least one will give you a few chuckles!
- He might be a chess champ, but he’s definitely not a spelling champ!
- Didn’t anyone notice the missing “S” before the cover was printed? The word is big enough to see from across the room!
- Is that a flying cheeseburger with a harpoon on it behind her head?
- No, I think it’s a flying smoke-detector…with three lizards on it!
- She’s holding a potato peeler?
- God, even SHE looks irritated to be on this cover!
- Photoshop at its worst!
- Her face looks like one of those police-suspect sketches.
- Is that Nicholas Cage behind the mask?
- Why are the arm and hand real, but the faces are drawn on?
- Because the people whose arm and hand they used were smart enough to hide their real faces!
- That giant head in the background is pretty terrifying!
- Maybe it’s the guy’s future mother-in-law?
- Gee, I think they need to mention the word “chaos” one more time on the cover. Twice isn’t enough – it needs to be even more chaotic.
1. Is this guy her mother’s keeper? Why is he laughing and eating pudding?
2. Maybe the pudding’s for the mother – like she’s 90 with no teeth?
3. The poor guy who posed for this stock photo for an innocent pudding ad must be horrified it ended up like this!
- What the hell is that on the cover?
- Looks like something they’d force a contestant to eat on “Fear Factor.”
- Why, out of all the delicious foods to choose from, would they pick this? My dog throws up stuff that looks better.
- It looks like a Swiss Roll that’s contracted a contagious disease.
- Are those coffee grounds inside?
- Well, there’s gravy next to it, so it’s not a dessert – then those mustn’t be cherries on the plate, like I first thought. Must be those little tomatoes?
- Looks like she’s getting a chiropractic adjustment.
- His expression looks constipated!
- What is the guy wearing, yoga pants?
- I know what this pose is! She is wearing a chastity belt and he has a magnet in his pants, so now they are trying, but can’t break apart!
- No, someone is poking her in the back with an invisible stick!
- I think he might be trying to choke her! He’s wearing broken handcuffs, so maybe he’s an escaped criminal related to the Boston Strangler!
- Is that a man-bun on his head? No, now that I look again, I think it’s a shadow.
- At first glance, I thought he was one of those half-man, half-goat creatures!
So you get the idea! There are many more covers I could have added, but I thought they were too over the top – like a sex-god, robotic President Obama; a woman sitting on the toilet, or Jesus shooting laser beams from his eyes. All I can say is I’ve always thought the covers on my own books could stand to look more professional, but my (very) limited budget pretty much dictates how they turn out.
Actually, now that I’ve seen some of the other covers out there, a few of mine are beginning to look like works of art in comparison! (Still, I’m hoping I don’t see one of them pop up on a “terrible covers” website any time soon!).
# # #
Sally Breslin is
an award-winning syndicated humor columnist who has written regularly for
newspapers and magazines all of her adult life. She is the author of several
novels in a variety of genres, from humor and romance to science-fiction.
Contact her at: sillysally@att.net
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