Sally Breslin: My Life: EXPLORING THE MYSTERIOUS WORLD OF DREAMS

Well, I’ve finally done it. It took me over 30 years, but I finally sat down and wrote a book about interpreting dreams.

I probably should have done it back in the 1980s and '90s, at the peak of my dream-interpreting career, back when I was interpreting dreams live on the radio and writing a weekly newspaper column about them for six newspapers. I essentially was the local “Dear Abby” of the dream world at that time.

Back then, because I had so much exposure, I more easily could have promoted and sold such a book. But I was too busy also writing humor, so the dream book was forced to take a back seat...well, a little farther back than that...more like a caboose at the rear of a freight train.

So a few months ago, I decided to cross the dream book off my bucket list and at long last, start to write it. First of all, I wanted it to be in simple, layman’s terms. No references to any “dream gurus,” like Freud or Jung. No fancy psychological jargon like “archetypes,” and no references to what dreams predict – mainly because I don’t believe they predict a thing...not unless the person having them is clairvoyant.

That’s an ironic thing for me to say, considering I actually became interested in dreams because my mother used to have a lot of nightmares. And every time she had one of those nightmares, someone she knew would die within 24 hours. So it’s safe to say that whenever my mom had a nightmare, we all made sure our life-insurance policies were up-to-date.

Anyway, I’d always wanted to find out why my mother had these nightmares, so back in the 1970s, I began to research dreams. I never did find out why her nightmares were associated with people dying, however, other than a coincidence on her part (especially if she already was concerned about a friend or relative’s health), but I did discover a lot of other interesting and intriguing information about the mysterious world of dreams. And I wanted to know more, much more.

My curiosity further was piqued when I was standing in the checkout line in a supermarket one day and saw a rack of mini-books near the register. One of the books was a dream dictionary that alphabetically listed the things people commonly dream about – animals, falling, kissing, rain, etc. – and their meanings.

I flipped open the book to the “G” page and saw “grasshoppers” listed. It said, “If you dream about grasshoppers, beware – all of your crops are going to die.”

I couldn’t help it, I burst out laughing (which caused the people in front of me in line to turn around and stare at me).

I mean, how would that interpretation apply to a person living in a small apartment in the middle of the city? Which crops would die? The aloe plant on the coffee table?

So I started asking just about everyone I knew to tell me about their dreams. I had the advantage of knowing what was going on in their real lives, so this enabled me to connect their dreams with their current situations and therefore, figure out why they were dreaming what they were dreaming at a specific time.

For example, one of my friends, who was about to enter college, began to have a recurring dream that she was in her car and it kept stalling out or dying. That led me to think that because her car was something that helped her to move forward and get ahead – helped her reach her destination – that she was having fears about college and her ability to succeed. I also thought her car might represent her “drive” or determination, which she also seemed to be lacking.

Over time, I began to develop my own particular way of interpreting dreams – mostly through word association. I came to realize that more often than not, dreams seemed totally absurd and made no sense whatsoever to the dreamer, but by using my method, I soon was able to figure out the logical meanings of most dreams, no matter how ridiculous or nonsensical they seemed.

Take, for example, a man who once approached me in the parking lot of a radio station after I’d just finished doing a live show.

“I just heard you on the air,” he said to me. “And I think all of this dream- interpretation stuff is nothing but baloney! Dreams don’t mean anything at all. They’re just a bunch of crazy, random images.”

I looked at him and asked, “Have you had any interesting dreams lately?

“Yeah,” he said, with a very deliberate smirk, obviously prepared to challenge me. “I had a dream that my wife was standing in a bucket of ice and holding a trout! Are you going to tell me there’s some deep, hidden meaning to a ridiculous dream like that?”

“Is your wife a warm and loving woman?” I asked him.

He shook his head. “Hell, no! She’s a real cold fish!”

I smiled. “Congratulations. You just interpreted your own dream!”

I finally completed my dream book last week and published it. And all I can say is I’m glad I now can chalk it off my bucket list. I tried my best to fill the book with a good cross-section of actual dreams and the crazy and not-so-crazy things I’ve learned about them throughout the years.

Like the all-too-common “bathroom” dream, where you’re desperately searching for a bathroom but can’t seem to find one anywhere. All I can say is be glad you can’t, because if you do find a place to “go” and start to relieve yourself in your dream, you just might wake up with a wet bed.

So if you’re dreaming about urgently looking for a place to “go,” my advice is to get up and head to the bathroom.

Quickly.

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(Someone please take pity on this starving writer and buy one! I swear I will be eternally indebted to you!)