I
don’t know why, but I’ve been having trouble falling asleep lately. Up until
now, my problem always has been waking up, not nodding off. I mean, I used to fall asleep even before both of my feet actually made it onto the bed.
Not any more.
I’m beginning to
think the five or six cups of black tea I drink every night between dinner and
bedtime might have something to do with it.
For some reason, the minute I stretch out in bed now, things I
normally wouldn’t think about suddenly pop into my head. The other night, for
example, I spent 30 minutes trying to remember the lyrics to the “Laverne and
Shirley” theme song. After that, I challenged myself to name every teacher I’d
had from kindergarten through grade 12. Before long, my eyeballs were bugging
out of my head, I was so wide awake.
Desperate,
I searched online for natural remedies for sleep deprivation. I found a website
where fellow insomniacs were sharing pointers.
“What
finally makes you fall asleep?” one person asked.
“My
alarm going off,” someone joked. “Believe me, the minute I hear it buzzing in the
morning, I suddenly can sleep like a log.”
Another suggestion said,
“Close your eyes and breathe slowly and deeply. Count every breath and
concentrate on it. You’ll feel so relaxed, you’ll be asleep in no time.”
So
I gave it a try. But for some reason, the more I concentrated on my breathing,
the faster I started to breathe, until I ended up puffing like someone about to
give birth. I also could hear my heart pounding like a bass drum in my ears.
“Put
on headphones or earbuds and listen to soft music until you doze off,” came yet
another suggestion.
I
remembered an old cassette tape I’d recorded years ago with soft “mood” music
on it, so being too lazy to use a more modern device and create anything new, I
dug out the tape, along with my trusty old hand-held cassette player, and took
them to bed with me.
By
the fifth song, I actually was beginning to feel relaxed and drowsy. Just as I
was about to doze off, however, the soft songs ended abruptly and the remaining
music on the tape kicked in.
The
Guns N’ Roses song, “Welcome to the Jungle,” which begins with a scream loud
enough to shatter glass, blasted into my ears. Never have I come so close to
needing CPR.
I
guess the obvious thing to do would be to give up all of the tea I drink before
bedtime and see if that helps. Still, I have been drinking tea every night for
ages, so I can’t figure out why it suddenly would bother me. Maybe all of the
caffeine has been accumulating in my body all these years and now has transformed my blood into a constant, giant jolt,
I
don’t care. I’m just not ready to give up my tea or switch to caffeine-free (ugh!), even if it means I’ll have to
suffer through another sleepless night and spend the next day walking around resembling an extra from
“The Walking Dead."
On
the plus side, I recently read that if you put cold, used teabags on your eyes,
they can do wonders for reducing the puffiness and dark circles associated
with…insomnia.
How
ironic.
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