Monday, October 8, 2018

THE FLOORING HAD TO PASS MY TORTURE TEST





It's funny how the best-laid plans always seem to have a way of going wrong.

Take, for example, my floors.

From the day construction first began on our new house back in early 2007, I knew I wanted wood-laminate flooring rather than hardwood.  The main reason was 220 pounds of Rottweilers running rampant in the house.  I had visions of hardwood with claw marks the size of canals embedded in them after only the first day.

Also, Rottweilers are chronic droolers, so I knew I needed a floor that could withstand constant slobbering.

I researched laminate flooring online and checked out the customers' feedback for each brand. I also went to building supply stores and got floor samples…which I then proceeded to attack.  I stomped on them, tap danced on them, scratched them with my car keys and rubbed them against concrete. I then poured water on them and let the water sit there overnight. The only brand that passed most of my tests was Armstrong laminate at about $3.50 a square foot.

So I decided I would buy Armstrong flooring, and I faithfully stuck with that decision…until the middle of 2009, when I realized that all of the construction delays, problems and added expenses our house-to-be had undergone had drastically reduced my flooring budget to only about $1.50 per square foot.  For that price, I figured I'd be lucky if I could afford a roll of second-hand linoleum.

So I returned to the building-supply store and brought home some floor samples within my price range.  Not one of them passed my torture test.  Not only did they stain and scratch, they peeled faster than a banana in a cage full of monkeys.

Needless to say, I was becoming discouraged.

So I checked out a few more web sites that sold flooring, and after searching through their products for about a half-hour, I found what I thought was the perfect wood-laminate flooring...Dream Home Nirvana Mountain Pine with the padding already attached, complete with a 25-year warranty.

The reviews from customers were so positive, they couldn't rave enough about the stuff.  If flooring could be nomimanted for sainthood, I seriously think they'd have done it. They described it as rich, realistic-looking and indestructible. They also said it camouflaged dirt and dog fur.

Just the part about the dog fur was enough to sell me on the product, but even better, it was only $1.59 per square foot.  Before I allowed myself to get too excited, however, I had to find out if a sample of the flooring could pass my rigorous testing. At that price, I honestly expected it to fall apart if I breathed on it.

To my delight, the sample looked just like a real pine plank, complete with knots and all.  I immediately began torturing it.  I put on high heels and stomped on it.  I rubbed it with fine sandpaper.  I dug my car key into it and dragged it across the sample.  I even did the overnight water test on it.

The next morning the sample still looked great.  So I bought over 1700 square feet of it.  


After it was installed, I stood there just staring in awe at it.  It was a masterpiece, a thing of beauty. It looked just like real wood. It was perfect, especially for the rustic farmhouse-style decor I wanted.

And after all these years, the floor still has held up magnificently. My dogs have done everything short of giving birth on it, yet it looks brand new, not even a scratch. And it really does camouflage dirt and dog fur. It also camouflages just about anything I drop on it. There could be a body lying on it somewhere and I'd never know it.

Alas, a couple months ago, I received a court document informing me that everyone who purchased my particular brand of flooring between 2009-2010 was entitled to a portion of a multi-million-dollar class-action lawsuit because the flooring’s formaldehyde levels had been deemed toxic.

My first thought was, “It took them all this time to tell me that my flooring is toxic? I could have dropped dead by now!”

My second thought was, “Hey...I’m going to be getting some money!”

#   #   #


Footnote:  Through research (after initially panicking and considering ripping out all of my flooring and replacing it) I learned that the levels of formaldehyde rapidly decrease by the second year, and subsequently vanish after that. And if the flooring was aired out prior to being installed, the levels would be insignificant.  I was fortunate to have had a contractor who insisted that my flooring be removed from its boxes and allowed to breathe and expand in the garage for a few weeks before he installed it. Bless him!


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