Sally Breslin: My Life: THE TOILET SEAT WAS A REAL WORK OF ART

Over the years, I have seen some pretty weird souvenirs people have brought back from vacations. One of my friends proudly showed me a bottle of black sand she’d scooped up from a Hawaiian beach. Another returned from Australia with a huge real toad that had been stuffed and mounted in a standing position. The poor thing even was holding a little walking cane and wearing a top hat.

I have to say, however, that my mother probably could have taken home top honors for buying the weirdest vacation souvenir. Years ago, she went to Florida with friends. Upon her return, she called to excitedly tell me I had to come right over and see what she’d brought back.

Less than enthused, I headed over there, expecting to see something like a petrified seahorse or a fancy seashell with a dolphin (or some other aquatic creature) painted on it.

When I arrived, my mother promptly led me upstairs. “The souvenir’s in bathroom!” she said.

Visions of a baby octopus swimming around in the bathtub sprang to mind as I entered the bathroom.

The souvenir turned out to be…a toilet seat.

“Isn’t it fantastic?” My mother gushed. “It cost a bundle, but I fell in love with it and just HAD to have it! You can’t find anything this unique around here, that’s for sure!”

I just stood there, silently staring at the toilet seat. It was made of clear Lucite embedded with dozens of genuine U.S. coins. Most of the coins were pure silver and included Kennedy half-dollars and even a Peace silver dollar.

“You’re actually going to sit on that?” I finally managed to ask.

“Of course!” she said. “What else do you want me to do with it? Hang it on the living-room wall?”

“Even with all of those presidents’ faces looking up at you?” I asked. “I don’t know, it just seems kind of…creepy.”

“The seat is a good investment,” Mom said. “You watch, it will become a family heirloom some day.”

“Well, if a burglar breaks in here and steals it,” I said, “don’t bother calling the police. They’ll just arrest you for making a prank call!”

Over the years, the toilet seat became a regular tourist attraction at my mother’s house. Guests even brought their friends over, just to show them the famous seat and take photos. And most people spent unusually long periods of time in the bathroom because they were trying to count the exact total of the coins.

So when my mother passed away, everyone assumed I would become the new owner of the infamous coin seat and display it proudly, perhaps even with a spotlight and a red carpet in my bathroom...like a museum.

Instead, to everyone's surprise, I decided to auction off the seat at my mother’s estate auction and donate the proceeds to the NH SPCA.

One of the reasons why I wasn't interested in keeping the seat was because I'd recently purchased another one I'd thought was pretty cool - even cooler than my mother's coin-seat. It was a Medieval-themed seat, complete with real chain-mail embedded in it. My husband always referred to the bathroom as the "throne," so I wanted my toilet seat to live up to that title.

I was amazed, however, at just how much attention a money-filled toilet seat could generate. The minute the ad for the auction appeared in the paper and people spotted “toilet seat full of money” listed among the items, my auctioneer’s phone began to ring. A reporter from a Concord newspaper even interviewed him. The next day, in all its president-faced glory, a photo of the toilet seat appeared in the newspaper, along with a story.

“The coins in the seat total $12.95,” the article said. “So it should sell for at least that much.”

At last, I finally had an accurate total for the coins. I'd given up trying to count them years before.

“But that’s only the face value of the money!” I shouted at the story as I read it. “A lot of the coins are pure silver!”

Well, someone at a TV station in Boston happened to see the newspaper article and got a big kick out of it, so they sent a reporter to do a story about the seat. Somehow, I’d never imagined that if my family ever did something worthy of making the six o’clock news, that it would involve, of all things, a toilet seat.

But even though all of the publicity was embarrassing, I secretly was happy about it. I wanted a lot of people to show up for the auction. After all, the more bids, the more money I could donate to the SPCA.

To my disappointment, despite all of the pre-publicity, hardly anyone attended the auction. The toilet seat sold for $55. I had been expecting a lot more than that, especially since it had gained so much notoriety in recent days.

Still, I reasoned, at least $55 was better than only $12.95.

Even better...Presidents Lincoln, Roosevelt, Washington and Kennedy never had to be subjected to the trauma of seeing my naked butt on a daily basis.

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