For many years now, I have been jotting down and collecting humorous typos, misspellings, goofs and bad sentence-structure (syntax) seen in newspaper headlines and articles, on store signs, in advertisements and more, that have made (and still make) me laugh.
Nowadays, with so many people posting online and dealing with the joys of “autocorrect” on their phones, I have a plethora of humorous goofs to choose from.
I haven’t shared any of these gems on here in about a year, so I thought I’d do that now. I can’t resist commenting on some (okay, all) of them, so I’ll add my personal thoughts and comments in parentheses.
MISTAKES SEEN ON SIGNS,
ETC.
NO PARKING! YOUR VEHICLE WILL BE TOAD!
(And if you kiss it, it might turn into a handsome prince!).
VIOLATORS WILL BE
TOWED AND FIND $100!
(Not bad. I wouldn’t mind finding $100!).
ILLEGALLY PARKED
VEHICLES WILL BE FINE.
(That’s a relief, because I’m currently parked in the fountain at the mall).
TODAY! GARAGE SAIL AT 221 CEDAR
STREET.
(Better hurry over there before the wind picks up and the garage takes off on a cruise!).
NO SMOKING ALOUD!
(But it’s okay if you do it very quietly).
CAUTION! BARES
SEEN IN THE AREA. DO NOT LEAVE FOOD IN YOUR CAR!
(Nothing worse than a bunch of hungry nudists!).
DECEMBER 14TH
– BRING YOUR CHILD TO OUR ANNUAL HOLIDAY BREAKFAST WITH SATAN!
(But won’t that affect their standings on the naughty-or-nice list?).
HELP WANTED: MANURE WOMAN TO WORK AS A NANNY THIS SUMMER.
(“Manure” woman? What kind of a nanny? A goat?).
In a fast-food restaurant’s restroom: EMPLOYEES MUST WASH THEIR HANDS BEFORE LIVING.
(Hand washing will resurrect the Walking Dead?).
In another restaurant’s restroom: IF THE TOILET KEEPS RUNNING, PLEASE GIGGLE THE HANDLE.
(I’m not sure I’d want to be overheard laughing while in a restroom stall).
In a small boutique: NO
PUBIC RESTROOMS
(Funny how leaving out just one little letter can change the entire meaning of a word!).
In a local bakery: TRY
OUR LEMON-BLUEBERRY MUFFINS, FRESHLY WARMED IN OUR OWEN.
(Poor Owen. I don’t think I’d want his job…or one of those muffins!).
In a supermarket produce department: HALF PRICE TODAY! CANT ELOPE
MELONS.
(How sad. I guess that means the melons will have to cancel their plans to be married by an Elvis impersonator in Las Vegas).
Typos seen in supermarket advertisements: $1.00 PER CAN – VAN CAMP’S PORN AND BEANS and… THIS
WEEK’S FEATURE IN OUR MEAT DEPARTMENT – BLACK ANUS GROUND BEEF.
(Eeeeyuuw! And eeeyuuw again!).
In a supermarket bakery department: FOR SANITARY REASONS, PLEASE
USE TONGUES WHEN SELECTING A PASTRY.
(Must be difficult to find a cupcake in that place that doesn’t already have all of the frosting licked off!).
At a popular donut shop that had only one employee
working that day: SORRY FOR YOUR WEIGHT.
PLEASE BE PATIENT.
(Yeah, it might take a while to burn off all of those extra pounds after eating too many cream-filled donuts).
And this wasn’t from a sign or an advertisement, but I had to share it. A woman on Facebook was describing the delicious “roast history” chicken she’d bought fresh and hot at a local supermarket.
All I can say is if that chicken had a “roast history,” then that means it was roasted more than once and couldn't possibly be "fresh" and hot.
That’s all for this time…but I’ll keep collecting more goofs to share with you in the future!
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