“What’s
a bucket list?” he asked me.
“It’s
a list of things I want to do before I kick the bucket.”
“Oh,” he said. “Well, just make sure the noose around your
neck has a long enough rope on it when they kick the bucket out from under
you!”
Somehow,
I got the distinct feeling he didn’t get the point.
Anyway,
after wanting to try zip-lining for ages and constantly being told by my family
and friends that I was crazy, too old, or suffering from (way beyond) a
mid-life crisis, and also hearing things like, “Knowing you, you’ll fall off
the line and kill yourself,” I finally talked my friends Paul and Nancy into
taking the plunge (and I mean that literally) with me on July 16.
I
decided to proceed cautiously, however. I didn’t want to try a line that would
cost $120 for a ride or was 20 stories high and two miles long, and would have
me dangling over a ravine. I wanted to try something tamer first, just to see
if I’d enjoy it…or end up emotionally scarred for life. After a thorough online
search, I found what I was certain would be a perfect fit for me - the Escape
Velocity Zip Line at Liquid Planet Water Park in Candia. It was described as 35
feet high, 1,000 feet long, and right above water. Landing in water if I fell off sounded a little safer than
landing on jagged rocks and impaling my liver or spleen. Best of all, the ride
was only $10. And if I survived the first ride and wanted to go for a second
one, the price then would drop to $5.
When
Paul, Nancy and I got out of the car at Liquid Planet, the first thing we saw
was the zip line, way up on a hill. Nancy smiled when she looked at it, but it
was the kind of smile that looked as if it were frozen in place.
“Did
I mention I was afraid of heights?” Nancy said.
“After
today, you won’t be!” I said cheerfully.
We
entered the gift shop, where we were told we would receive our equipment and
instructions. Nancy immediately disappeared
into the restroom.
Two
young male employees converged on me. “Please sign this waiver form,” one said,
handing a pen to me. The other put a wristband on me that looked eerily similar
to the ones hospital patients wear.
“Are
you preparing me in advance for a trip to the hospital?” I joked. Then I
happened to glance at the waiver form I was signing. It basically said I
wouldn’t hold them liable or sue them if I injured myself…or died.
I
then was instructed to step on the scale. I noticed a sign that said all
participants had to weigh between 50 and 250 pounds. I knew I didn’t look as if I weighed less than 50, so I wondered
if that meant he was checking to see if I might weigh more than 250.
“Should
I be insulted?” I asked him.
He
laughed. “No, we have to see which size harness to use.”
Next,
I was strapped into my harness. It crossed my chest and went under my butt. I’m
always complaining about how saggy my butt is getting, but not at that
moment…because it was lifted up to somewhere between my shoulder blades. I then
was handed a pair of thick gloves.
“You’ll
need these,” the employee said.
When
all three of us were in our harnesses, we were instructed to follow the path up
the hill.
To
be honest, while hiking up that hill, it dawned on me I was about to plunge 35
feet while hanging from only a steel cable – and I nearly chickened out. I
never would have admitted as much to Paul and Nancy, however. After all, the
whole thing had been my bright idea.
At
the top of the hill were two platforms that actually resembled gallows. Coming
from each platform was a zip line. This park had not one, but two zip lines,
side by side. I climbed the steps to the top of one platform and Paul climbed
the other. Nancy stayed below and
looked as if she might seriously be considering making a mad dash back down the
hill…to the restroom.
The
employee hooked me up to the line, tightened my harness and started reciting
instructions.
“Rest
your right hand up here and your left hand here,” he said, pointing to different
locations on the line. “Then, when you get between those two blue flags down
there,” he indicated two very distant blue things (I wasn’t wearing my
glasses), “remove your right hand from here and put it flat on top of the line.
That’s what will slow you down and act as your brake.”
I
then understood the reason for the gloves. I could just picture my bare hand
self-combusting as it slid along the wire.
As
I stood there trying to remember which hand went where, all the while trying
not to look down at the crowd of the swimmers in the water park – swimmers
whose heads I was afraid I might get sick all over – Paul leapt off the
platform and went zipping away with a loud “rrrrrrrr-ing” sound coming from the
line.
“Ready?”
the employee asked me.
I
didn’t know which was scarier – taking that leap off the platform or trying to
remember how to brake, so I wouldn’t end up with my teeth embedded in a tree on
the other side of the park.
I
took a deep breath and jumped. I remember thinking the swimming pool below looked
like something Barbie would use. I remember how loud the zipping sound was
above my head. I remember feeling as if I had the world’s biggest atomic
wedgie. And I remember how the ride picked up speed with every second.
Then
I saw the two blue flags and reached up to slow myself down. I think I pressed
down a little too hard on the wire, because I felt my body jolt sideways. There
was an employee waiting on the other platform to stop me, however. I never was
so pleased to see anyone.
I
don’t even remember what witty remark I said to him when I finally set foot
safely on the platform, but he laughed and said, “Oh, I’ve already heard all
about you!”
As
Paul and I stood there, Nancy came zooming in, and I do mean zooming. The
employee rushed to the edge of the platform to grab her.
When
she finally was unhooked from the line, she walked over to me and pretended she
was going to hit me. “This was all your idea!” she said, laughing.
We
decided to forgo the second half-price plunge. I think we all felt lucky to
have survived the first one.
“So,
how did you like it?” I dared to ask them as we headed back to the car.
“It
wasn’t as bad as I’d expected,” Nancy said.
Paul
said he’d enjoyed it, then added, “But I’d have to advise men not to wear
shorts when they go on it. Mine were so bunched up from the harness, I was
embarrassed thinking about what kind of view the people below might be seeing
when they looked up!”
I
was just happy I had survived to cross another item off my bucket list.
Next
on my list is riding “Untamed” at Canobie Lake Park. It’s a new roller coaster
that has a 97-degree vertical drop.
I’m
pretty sure, though, that Paul and Nancy will decide to change their phone
numbers before then.
# # #
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