For
one thing, there was my bath the other night.
I was having a nice relaxing soak, my head resting on the bath pillow,
my eyes closed, when all of a sudden, I heard something in the walk-in closet.
The closet door was open, so I could see into it from the tub.
Just
as I opened my eyes to look, a comforter, still nicely folded, fell off the top
shelf and landed on the floor. I didn’t
think too much about it until the next night when I was in the tub and it
happened again. This time, however, it was a feather pillow that took the
plunge.
Not
too long ago I’d watched a horror movie about some psychotic guy who’d broken
into a house while the woman was at work and secretly took up residence in her
attic. He even drilled peepholes in the attic floor so he could look down and
watch her every move.
Well,
in my house, the door to the attic is located in the ceiling in the walk-in
closet, so I began to wonder if maybe someone was hiding up there and he’d
caused the pillow and comforter to fall to the floor. I mean, the possibility existed that if he was like the guy in
the movie and was peering down at me through a peephole, the shock of seeing my
naked body in the tub probably had caused him to laugh so hard, the vibration
knocked the stuff off the shelf.
But
the leaping bed accessories aren’t the only strange thing that has been
happening around here. Every time I do the laundry lately, the desk lamp in my office
pops on. At first, I didn’t make the connection. I’d see the light on in there
and think, “When did I turn that on? And why didn’t I turn if off? I’m wasting electricity!”
When
it continued to happen even when I hadn’t been in the office at all, I started
thinking again about a guy hiding in the attic. In my imagination, I pictured
him slithering down from the attic whenever I was out, and then snooping around
in my office and forgetting to turn off the light.
It
didn’t even occur to me that seeing there are no steps or a ladder leading up
to the attic door in the ceiling, and there was no sign of a chair or anything
else having been moved underneath it, the guy would have to be over seven feet
tall to climb up there.
Soon,
however, I began to notice that every time I did the laundry and the washer
went into the spin cycle, the office lamp popped on. The weird thing is the
washer and the lamp aren’t even connected to the same circuit breaker (enter
the theme song from “The Twilight Zone” here).
Also
lately, the bedroom and bathroom doors in the house suddenly refuse to stay
open. I open them and they slowly move
back to about halfway closed. Every time I have to walk by one, I imagine there
is someone (like the phantom in the attic) lurking behind it, waiting to pounce
on me. So I bought a bunch of those
rubber wedges you stick under doors to keep them propped open.
Still,
when I got up the next morning, two of the doors were nearly closed. How, I wondered, could they possibly have
moved when I’d rammed rubber wedges underneath them?
That’s
when I discovered that my dogs really like the taste of rubber wedges.
But
the strangest thing of all happened just the other day. Back in November, one
of my husband’s favorite TV series ended for the season.
“Gee,”
my husband had said after watching it, “I wonder when it’s coming back on
again? I really like that show. I’m going to miss it.”
Well,
I recently saw an advertisement on TV saying that the show is going to return
at the end of April. I also received a
notice telling me that as per my instructions, it would be recorded for me.
I
just stared wide-eyed at the TV. I
hadn’t instructed anyone to record the show, and I was pretty certain my
husband hadn’t, considering that the maximum time you can schedule a recording
is two weeks in advance, and he passed away back in December.
That
leaves only one explanation. It’s the
guy in the attic.
But
I’ll fix him. I’m going to start walking around the house naked every night. If
that doesn’t scare him away, nothing will.
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